Tell the World that I'm Coming Home

Hey all you inter-webbers!

I hope your day has been as awesome as I'm sure you are.

On to the update!

So not too much has happened in the last month an a half. I mean, my grandpa hasn't been doing well. He ended up at the hospital again last week. My family is strung thin, and I don't know how much more stress they can all take. It's bringing us together while simultaneously tearing us apart. 

So that's not great. But I'm dealing. I guess I can tell you guys about graduation. It was pretty great. 

My church held a Graduation Mass a week before I graduated

I don't really know how I feel about it all. I spent 13 years of my life in public school, and it all ended on the 21st of May. And I don't mean to be bitter, but I was number 11 in my class. I was beat out of the top ten by a girl who has been giving me issues all year, so I was really upset. But I still got to graduate in the front, so that was good. I was kinda bored, considering I got to walk across the stage really early, but it was still cool to see all my classmates. I didn't know a lot of them, but that's what happens when you have a large class. 

The graduation party was impressive, if I do say so myself. It almost didn't happen, since my grandpa was in the hospital and coded a few weeks earlier. He was stable, but needed constant observation so we all knew what was happening. It was worth it and it was amazing. I can't thank my family enough for still throwing a party for Ari and me. 

Our cake was awesome

There was a video with embarrassing photos of us, but it was fun being with my family. There was a bittersweet tinge to the ceremony, though. I still haven't come out to my extended family, and I'm not sure how most of them will react. Part of me wonders how  many wouldn't have shown up if they knew I'm a lesbian. 

Enough sad thoughts!

On to YWiC!

So I'm once again a camp assistant for YWiC, and I'm so happy. This year is weird because the camps overlap and are really only half a day. The alum students come after lunch, and it's interesting. We're also in a different room, which I kinda prefer. I like the Ice Cave. It reminds me of the 2012 YWiC camp. I feel so happy here, and I can't wait to get further along. These girls are amazing and I feel lucky to get to know them. 

I don't really have much of an update by way of relationships, but I guess that's good. I don't want to be one of those people who needs to be in a relationship. I am happy with who I am, and I don't need to rely on someone else to bring me happiness. I'm trying to figure out who I am, so that when someone new does come along, I won't be unsure. 

I guess that's all I have to say today. I'm super excited to work with YWiC this summer, and I do believe it will be one of the best years. 

So long for now!

Road Rash

I seem to only post on this thing when huge events happen. Oh well.

Hey there, people of the internet! How's it going? I hope your lives are going well. All two of you who read this.

So I guess you're wondering what I have to say today. Or, at least I hope you're wondering. On the last post, I told you about my new relationship. I'm here to tell you that it's now over. Shocking, I know, but there were a lot of problems. We just didn't communicate well. We had great chemistry (Ironic, I know), but we couldn't get over our insecurities enough to talk to each other about them. It was about a month in the making. Prom was great, but the weeks before and the weeks after - not including the week of prom - were kinda sucky. I didn't know where I stood with her. So I decided to stand away. We had an argument and decided that we didn't want to pursue a relationship after graduation. I was sad, but  had been expecting it.

Man, my life really is a soap opera. Especially because things are weird now between me and my previous ex-girlfriend. Sidenote: Ari came up with the notion that "ex" only applies to the two ex-girlfriends before the current girlfriend. After that, they become "people you dated." That makes Lesli my ex-girlfriend, but I'm someone she dated. Anywho. So things are weird because apparently we're flirting again. I don't mean to, and I don't want to get back together with her, but a mutual friend of ours keeps telling me that the signs are evident. I don't know where that's going to lead. I hope we can just stay friends. I don't want to complicate things between us again.

Enough of this confusing relationship drama! I would tell you about other things, but my life is kinda depressing right now. I can't wait to graduate so I can think about things aside from drama.

So long for now!

Nearing the Finish Line

Hey there, fair people of the internet! Well, I don't really know how fair you are, but I'm going to assume you are just a little bit because you're reading this. Anywho.

So it's been a while since I wrote anything for this blog. I suck at posting, but my writing has actually become more frequent-- just not for this.

Since the last post, a lot of things have happen. So many that I'm not sure if I can even remember it all. Let's see.....what do I deem the most important? I guess that would have to be my current relationship status. So the day before my last post, a girl in one of my classes (who happened to be one of my best friend's girlfriend) started texting me. I will admit, I had a crush on her that started during the end of junior year in chemistry. Which, sidenote: I've had a class with her every year, and the class we share this year is in the same room as the class we shared freshman year, which I think is ironic and amazing.

Anyways, we started texting and then she broke up with my friend. I didn't know how to feel. On one hand, I was sad for my friend, but on the other, it meant that she was single! I knew I was supposed to wait a while before even mentioning the possibility of me dating her, but I was impatient. So I did the stupid thing and talked to my friend about my crush on her ex-girlfriend. (Yes, I have quite a few lesbian friends.) She told me she didn't care and that I should "go for it." So I started flirting with her. (To keep this from getting too confusing, I'll use her name from here on out. It's Jazmyne, by the way.)

Jazmyne and I flirted for about a week and a half before she told me that we needed to cool things down. It had been too soon after her breakup, and she wanted us to be friends and said she needed to work through some things. So we tried that. It didn't work for more than 2 weeks. That's when my friend found out and cut me out of her life. She had already distanced herself so much that I didn't notice. So then I got Jazmyne to kiss me before winter break and things heated up again. We went on a kinda-date after the new year at the bowling alley and it solidified things for us. January and February were spent with us getting to know each other more. But I can't date. My mom has a rule against me dating because I had a secret relationship a couple years back. Remember that? It's semi-documented on this blog. You can go read those posts if you want.

At the end of February, I finally asked Jazmyne what we were. We had a long talk and she decided that we needed to stop all the couple-ish things we were doing and just be friends, so that my mom wouldn't get mad and hate Jazmyne before she even met her. Plus, Jazmyne told me that she is willing to wait for me. I know, I know, my life is like a soap opera. But I could see where she was coming from. She doesn't want me to hide her from my family, even though that's what I did for the entire two months prior. Which leads us to now.

I asked Jazmyne to Prom

And she said yes! I have been planning this for over a month, and I almost didn't after she told me we needed to be friends. But someone told me that we don't have to be dating to go to Prom together. So I worked on this for a week and gave it to her. She absolutely loves Stitch. And the Prom-posal.

So that's it for my personal life. Kinda. I also reconciled with my ex-girlfriend. I know what you're thinking! No, I'm not looking to get back with her. If that wasn't obvious with my almost-girlfriend, Jazmyne. No, I just wanted to let her know everything that I didn't tell her when I cut her out of my life. We had a long talk about what happened between us and why it didn't work out. It was very civil. And it made me realize that I could be with her instead of Jazmyne right now. That kinda terrifies me because then I wouldn't have this amazing support and love I've found in Jazmyne. I wouldn't feel as safe or comfortable. It is very possible that I could be taking Lesli to Prom instead. But I found a new love, a stronger love, and I'm not willing to do anything to risk what I have with her.

So that's my drama since November. What else? Well, I graduate in 2 months. It's pretty scary. I've been accepted to a few universities, but I'm gonna stay at the local university. Oh! And Jazmyne's going to Phoenix for culinary school. So I'm gonna be in a long-distance relationship with her as of July. I hope things go smoothly.

I don't want to bore you with anymore drama, so I guess I'll finish here. So long for now!



p.s. AP exams are going to be the death of me.

Stress, Stress, and More Stress

Hello, Interwebers! Today sucks.

I know it's been a while, so I'll give you the CliffNotes version of my life since the summer camps.

Here we go!

Ok, so after the YWiC camps, we had a GK-12 camp for boys and girls that taught us more engineering than programming. I liked it, but mainly because Belle and Sasha were there. Anywho, it was fun and I'll probably add some pics when I'm not at school.

So that camp went on for two weeks. The last day of the camp was July 17. On the 18th, I left for Mountain Air. I had applied to the RYLA camp and was accepted. This meant a week away from home, and even longer from Arianna. She had her own camp she was going to after mine and we didn't end up seeing each other for almost two weeks. It was the longest we have ever been apart. I count it as practice in case we decide to got o different college.

Speaking of colleges, it has been non-stop applying for scholarships and colleges and getting all my test scores in and just everything. This is probably what is stressing me the most. Especially QuestBridge. For those of you who don't know, QuestBridge is a national program that matches students with partner colleges and those students get full rides for four years. It's very competitive and Ari and I managed to become finalists. I don't know when I will find out if I was accepted by any of my college choices, but all the requirements have pulled and pushed me more than I would like. Because we don't know if we'll even get it, Ari and I have also been applying to a ton of other scholarships.

 It's been a stressful few months. Add to that the pressure of being Honor Orchestra for All-State this year, and I've been through hell. I just want Thanksgiving to be here already. Then I could just eat and sleep and no one would judge me for it.

Well, I guess that's all for now. I don't want to bother with pictures, but maybe next time I will. So long for now!

Inner Depth

Hello. I figured I would write out what I want to say for the blog prompt that the campers did today. Basically, I am going to describe what I would look like if a witch's curse turned me into a living portrait or a living piece of artwork.
The image that immediately comes to mind is one of darkness surrounding a fading light. I would be an abstract painting, as nothing about me fills the lines needed to create a solid image. I am complex, yet I look simple. In the center there is a white shimmer of light that seems to shift. A darkness smothers it, almost trapping the light inside. But it doesn't seem like a trap. It's more of a wall that constantly moves and shifts to adapt to whatever is threatening the light. Inside the light, there are little specks of color that seem insignificant yet brighten up the entire piece. The tiny dots of color brighten the darkness and make it seem less terrible.

I'll finish this later, but I know I won't continue unless I publish this. So long for now!

Edit:
See? I told you I wouldn't finish it. So I guess I'll finish it now. I don't really have any more descriptions for what I would look like as a work of art, but I do want to talk about the awesome thing that just happened this morning.

You can read the whole story here, but basically I can get married in any state and they would have to recognize it. I'm so happy!!! This is a huge step for society and I'm glad it occurred before I could fight for it, because God knows I would raise hell for opponents. Not violently, but with my intelligence and debate skills. I can't wait for my wedding day. Of course, my ultimate dream is to be married to my future wife through the Catholic church, but I know that won't happen. Still. A girl can dream. So long for now! 

Updates

Hello, Internet People. So I guess I should fill you in on the details of my life that you missed out on. SO here it is. Since my post from September, things have changed drastically. I am no longer associated with Lesli in any way, for one. I tried to be her friend, but she started dating Elisabeth and still expected me to be her confidant. She went to me for all her problems, even those with Elisabeth, and I had to tell her to back off. I completely cut off contact with her in September when she started flirting with me overtly with Elisabeth in the room. So I stopped talking to her. I wasn't mean enough to not text her assignments when she missed school, but conversation never extended beyond that. We completely stopped interacting in all forms in February when she asked me what was wrong on a particularly bad day for me. I reacted strongly and she couldn't understand why. That was when she finally got the hint that I didn't want to be in her life anymore.
Even though she ended it, it still seemed like she wanted to get back together. Especially from the way she looked at Kat. That was another big change this school year. Kat, or Katrina, became very close to me and I became her best friend. Because of this new-found closeness, I became extremely affectionate with her. This translated into many people, including my brother, assuming we were a couple. So many people thought we were dating, and I'm pretty sure they still do. Sigh. Drama. I hate it.
So.....The biggest change. In March of this year, my mom's cousin passed away. It was the first day of my Rotary month, so there are some bad memories there. I feel extremely guilty about the whole thing. Louie was my favorite of my mom's cousins. He was gay and happy and so funny. Then he got stomach cancer. His health started declining in December, and it just went down hill until he passed on March 5th. It was hard on all of us. My mom's birthday was the following Friday, so that made it all worse. I mentioned earlier that I felt guilty, and now I'll tell you why. I hadn't seen him since we took the trip to LA last summer. I had every opportunity to go see him, especially near the end. Why didn't I go see him? My mom told me about how skinny he was, and how tired he was getting. I didn't want to tarnish my memory of him with who he was becoming near the end. I'm glad I didn't go, as bad as that sounds. The body in that box wasn't my beloved cousin who was more like an uncle to me. It was the body of someone taken too soon. It was the body of someone who wasted away. It wasn't the body of someone who laughed every day. It wasn't the body of someone who joked with my mom. I didn't recognize him. And it made me terribly sad.
Ok. Enough of this. I can't keep thinking about this, especially at the YWiC camp. I guess this is it for the update. So long for now!

We Begin Again!

Hey. So, it's been a while since I last posted anything. Sorry for that. I've been reading my blog and I have to say I was pretty outspoken about my homosexuality. I apologize for that as well. I feel like I've transformed for the better in a span of 6 months. I'd like to think I've grown up, but I'll let you be the judge of that.
So. What to talk about? Well, I'm currently working as a camp assistant for the Young Women in Computing camp at NMSU. It's really fun. This is the second week of the middle school camp. It's been fun. I really like helping with the camp. I may or may not have a crush on one of the other staff members. I won't say who, even though I doubt they will ever find out.
I don't really know what to add to this. It's been nearly 9 months since I last blogged. What do I even talk about? I need to get back into the groove of things. Well. I guess this is it. So long for now!