Happy Holigays Pt I

Happy what-day-is-it-and-what-do-I-do-until-New-Years Interwebers!

So the last post was full of angst. Sorry for that. Being home for the holigays has been stressful on my psyche. I love my family, and I love being home, but sometimes they are overbearing and it sucks. Plus, I can't really vent to them because they immediately want to know how I plan on fixing the problem. Sometimes, I just want to complain. Which is why I turn to this.

Anywho, Christmas was great, which kinda surprised me. I had a good Thanksgiving and Christmas, which hasn't happened in a few years. Last year, Thanksgiving sucked because my grandpa was in the hospital. The Christmas the year before sucked because my mom's cousin was starting to give up and stopped eating, which meant he couldn't continue chemo. So the fact that both holidays were great this year kinda shocked me. I got what I wanted, and everyone was satisfied with their gifts. My mom wasn't upset, and we all had a good time.

I guess the reason for my sour mood is the fact that I'm sick. It's not even being sick that's the problem, it's the way my family is reacting that's bothering me. My mom keeps nagging me to go to the doctor, and they won't leave me alone about what I wear. My brother keeps telling me I should just listen so that I can get better. I want to get better, but their constant disapproval of what I'm doing is just making me upset. I hate being monitored around the clock. I know I should go to the doctor's, but I hate going. I never really liked the doctor before, but now it just fills me with anxiety and I'm not entirely sure why. Part of me feels guilty for not going, especially because I have friends who are worried that I've been sick for a while. I even have a friend on tumblr who yelled at me for not going to the doctor's. That was a trip, let me tell you.

Another reason I'm not of the best mindset is because my food intake is being monitored by my brother. He wants me to eat healthy foods, but his main thing is that I have to eat protein every time I eat something. I can't go to the kitchen without him asking me where my protein is. It's so aggravating that I've just stopped eating unless he's in his room. I'm not starving myself, but I feel like I'm doing something wrong, even though I'm not. It's aggravating.

Whelp. This was also kinda angsty, but at least it wasn't as bad as last time. My brother is coming home today, so I guess that's a plus. I just finished cleaning my gun in case he decides to take us shooting. Which brings up another story!

So I made a friend on tumblr who lives in England, where guns are illegal. I wasn't sure about this fact, and I was also distracted when I told her that I had to clean my gun. Let me tell you, that was not a fun conversation to have. It freaked her out that I own a gun, especially because I'm younger than she is. I didn't realize how socialized I was to think owning a gun is normal. Hell, most of my friends have shot a gun before. A few even own guns! So I didn't think it was that big of a thing. But she went off on me, telling me that she can count the number of guns she has seen on one hand, and that she can't understand US gun laws, and that the one of the major factors keeping her from moving to the US for her dance career is the fact that pretty much anyone can own a gun. I made the mistake of telling her that there are four guns in my house alone, and that's just the one I know of. So yeah. She's more confused and freaked out than mad at me, which is good. I'm just not going to mention guns ever to her.

I guess that's it for today. So long for now!