Broken

So. Lesli broke up with me today. It was a long, drawn out break up. I kinda wish she had done it sooner. I was already prepared for it by last Saturday. I knew she would break up with me. Maybe I should have told her that. Maybe I should have broken up with her first. If I had, maybe I could have avoided all the horrible things she said to me. I don't know. I'm just really glad she wants to stay friends. I still need her in my life, even if it's just as a friend. I will stay friends with her. How can I not? I saw this picture, and I thought about us, and I don't know which is worse. 

I think I will always be in love with her. She is my first love. But I don't know of she ever was. I want to believe she was, but I don't know. Is it weird how well I'm handling this? I'm not upset or anything. I just feel relief. I think it's relief that this whole thing is finally over. And that we will still be friends. I just hope she won't freak out or something when I get a new girlfriend. I'm not saying I will by the time school starts, but I just don't want her getting jealous or something. I really don't want her to pull a Rachel and tell me she is still in love with me. I know I will be ok if she gets in another relationship. I want her to be happy. She wasn't with me, and that's ok. I just hope she can find happiness. She deserves at least that after what she has been through. And I hope she talks to someone. She needs professional help, I think. After everything she has been through, she needs to at least talk to someone. Ok. Enough of this. 

So we are going to Albuquerque this weekend. I can't wait. We get to go ice skating with Noel and I can't wait! It's his first time ice skating. I hope it doesn't take as long to get Ari off the wall as it did last time. Well. So long for now.