Life has been weird these past few weeks. We had the pecan food fantasy, which Leah and Laura helped us with, plus some other drama.
So. I have no use which you want to start with. I'll go with pecan food fantasy because that happened before all the drama. So it was the first Sunday of March, and we didn't have as many volunteers this year as in years past, so we had to ask for volunteers at school. We ended up choosing Leah and Laura because we knew they were hard workers. I didn't think Lilia would enjoy it and I knew Lesli and Elisabeth would distract Ari and me, so we just went with them. They were a huge help. This year was the smoothest year ever. Leah helped take entries in the morning, and Laura helped us place them on trays in the afternoon. It was fun and tiring.
Ok. So now for the drama.
Most of this is nonsense but I still want to share with you. So. Where to begin. That's a serious question because I cannot remember where we left off. Oh well. I guess I'll just tell you about some stuff that's been bothering me this past week.
Number one thing: my mom. Now for some of you who know my mom, you know that she is pretty cool mom and a nice lady. You're probably wondering why she is bothering me. So in bio yesterday, we learned that there may be a gene that predisposes people to be gay. Now, for all you people who believe it's a choice, I don't want to offend you but I believe this theory to be true. I've always been this way. I just denied myself. Anyhow. I digress. So I told my mom about it, telling her that it isn't a choice and that I can't change. She had the audacity to tell me to try and change. I was in too much of a good mood to get pissed, but I did tell her that changing my sexuality is like forcing myself to physically change my hair or eye color. It's not possible. She told me to try and do it. For some of you who know I'm a Roman Catholic, you might be expecting this kind of behavior from my mom. That's not at all what I expected. My family has always joked around with me and told me that if I ever turned out to be gay, that they would accept me. I completely believed them. My brother Noel supports and accepts me, but for some reason my mom doesn't. A few weeks after I came out to her, she told me that women have such a high capacity to love that they sometimes confuse their feelings for other women. I can't tell you how much that upset me. It was like she was trying to convince me that I'm not gay. That I don't like girls that way. But I know the difference. I know that my feelings for Lesli are in no was the same as my feelings for Elisabeth or Lilia. I personally think that my sexuality isn't what bothers her, but that I'm currently dating a girl. She has always said no dating, so for me to go behind her back and do just that, with a girl no less, just made her mad. She really doesn't like Lesli. I wish she did. Noel does. Why can't she?
Augh. Enough ranting about that. So. Problem number two: rape.
So we had an assembly today and the guest speaker came to talk to us about rape and how society degrades women. How people throw around slut and whore and ho because they want to disrespect women or shame them or just hurt them. It saddened me because I know just how unfairly men and other women treat women who have been victimized by men. Men always blame the women. They create rules that "protect" women, but they are unwilling to go to the root of the problem. Which brings up another point that has been bothering me for years. People always get mad at teen mothers for getting pregnant. As if they got pregnant themselves. It takes 2 to make a baby, but you never hear about the guys who got the girls pregnant. I want to do a study on the guys who actually get the girls pregnant. Anywho. I'm way off topic. So what really bothered me was that there were these students who had no regard for the speaker and were just laughing it off. These girls who sat next to us were laughing and calling each other sluts. It was disgusting. Some guys actually believed that women deserved to be raped. It was repulsive. And my mom wonders why I'm a lesbian.
I find this to be so true. Please excuse the very distracting picture and focus on the words. I've always been put off by males. I've never really liked them, except for Noel. That's why I take part in YWiC camps, or Young Women in Computing summer camps. I love being around women. Even before I came out to myself. Women mean stability to me. Men mean degration and superiority complexes. Men have always thought they were better than me simply because I'm a girl. Why should that matter? Gender means nothing. It's the character of the person, of the human being, that matters. I just wish people could see that.
So you are probably really tired of me by now. I guess I'll stop here. Nothing really interesting left for me to say. Except for that Lilia is awesome. She saw how bothered Ari and I were by the girls at the assembly and asked us if we were ok. She gave us compliments and hugged us extra long. That's what I needed. It amazes me at how she picks up at that. I've always wanted friends who could see I was hurt and help me heal. She made my day. Ok. I'll leave you on a happy note.
Don't you just want one now? I know I do. I'll leave you with thoughts of delicious bacon. So long for now!!
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