Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Stain Glass Love

Tears turn hazel eyes green
bringing darkness where there was light
transforming sunshine into rain clouds
stealing away her happiness
Voice rough as gravel whispers confessions
giving life to secrets long held
Words rarely spoken pour out like a river
releasing years of stress and fear and loneliness
Her world shatters like glass
fragments littering the ground at your feet
threatening to steal life blood from your veins
You gather the pieces one by one
mindful of sharp edges and fragile sections
hesitant yet still assured in your choice
Jade eyes look on in trepidation
convinced you’ll break her further
crushing her soul until it sifts through your fingers
Surprise brightens dull eyes
shocked at the care you show her broken heart
You piece her together slowly
working out the puzzle with the skill and care of a surgeon
hopeful for a full recovery
Her shattered heart heals and grows
pain and fear and loneliness fading over the years
each summer a reminder of your love
Tears still turn hazel eyes green
though brown eyes and hands keep her from shattering
holding her close and giving her love
Keeping hazel eyes bright and full of life
a kaleidoscope of color made from the heavens
She is your soulmate and you are hers
How lucky you must be

Life Update

Hey there, Interwebers!

I hope you've had a good three, almost five months since I last posted. I've had a hell of a time, both good and bad.

I won't go into the bad too much, but I do wanna talk it out. So, the summer camps were really stressful for me. Sasha and I are only sophomores, so it didn't feel like everyone quite respected us or saw us as the camp leads/instructors. We didn't assert ourselves either, so that just made everything more of a challenge. The guys who were helping weren't much help (well, one guy whom I won't mention by name). But yeah. We got through it and I think we had a successful round of camps.

Another negative was that I had a falling out with a friend. So that sucked. I don't wanna go into it, but I will say that it really fucking sucks that I have lost a friend pretty much every year for the past five years because of things outside of my control. People leave, but it doesn't hurt any less the more you go through it.

Now for positives! I'm trying to focus more on those because of this girl I met named Jenny.
Go ahead, get out the jokes =P But seriously, it's storytime.

So in the summer of 2013, Ari and I did two YWiC camps. One was the regular one and the other was a residential camp. From the residential camp, I met Jade and we're still friends. From the regular camp, I met Jenny. Now at the time, she called herself Jenny the Meeper. She was a year younger than me, but she was super awesome and unapologetically herself. I wanted to talk to her and get to know her, but she had a friend in the camp and I had multiple people that I knew, so we just never really talked. I got her email, but nothing was ever exchanged between up.

Over the years, I would think about her. Just briefly, always along the lines of "I wonder what she's doing." She was super cool and I often wished I had stayed in contact with her. Now for the interesting part.

My friend Cindy made me a tinder account because I apparently complained about wanting a girlfriend too much. She told me that I had to talk to at least one person before deleting it. I was super hesitant because I wasn't sure what I really wanted. But then guess who popped up! Jenny! Looking super gay with her tongue piercing and flannel. I was kinda surprised but at the same time not because she pinged on my gaydar even back at the camp. I was curious so I swiped and it turns out she had swiped right on me first! So I messaged her. I didn't expect anything to happen or to come of it. But she was fun to talk to. We talked for a day and a half before she stopped messaging me. Sad, I know.

I thought my chance with her was over, but then I saw her on campus and checked my tinder account and apparently she drunk messaged me! It was highly amusing and I messaged her back. We started talking and flirting and she showed up to a few AgGays meeting. We exchanged numbers and got closer and I realized I wanted something more. I asked her out on a date, and we've been officially dating for a month and a half, almost. She's super great and I'm in love with her so yeah. She's also the healthiest partner I've had. She supports me and I support her and we can actually communicate, which was a shortcoming in my other relationships. We both have our good and bad days, and help each other through the ones that suck. I love her so much and hope that she stays in my life for as long as possible.

As for school, this semester is going way better than last. I'm doing well in my classes and am generally happier. I want the semester to be over, though. We still have like five more weeks to go. I want winter break to be here already so I can move out and have time to myself. It'll be great once I'm out of the house.

Well, I think that's all I have. So long for now!